Cycles

I am convinced that the vast majority of people, including myself in this statement, are almost exclusively controlled by their unconscious mind and their perception of a “will” is in a sense an illusion. Self-knowledge, once upon a time referred to as the pursuit of wisdom, is not valued in our popular society, but it is only through the process of acquiring self-knowledge that we can be truly ‘present’ in the here and now. I’m realizing of late that I have spent the vast majority of my life simply reacting to the past, much of which I cannot even recall with my conscious mind…In a sense I’ve been on the run from an invisible menace, which I perceive to be too powerful and terrifying to even contemplate any other course of action. The only solution I could come up with was to run, and run fast I did! But it was never fast enough. I would run and run as fast as the wind could carry me until I stumbled upon an oasis. Finally I could relax, let my cares and worries wash away. “There’s no way it could find me here, for once in my life I’m safe!” My constant mantra…but somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind I knew it was an illusion. The key to my own salvation was inside of me, and in rare moments of clarity I might be able to express that knowledge as a certainty. But the cyclone of chaos always returned…and once enveloped in the cycle again, I am at its mercy; just as if I had been swept up in a tornado, I felt like I had no control over where the tornado was headed or where I might end up. The most I could hope for was that I still in one piece when it set me down. ­